


Recriminations and Realizations

by G_the_G



Series: Avengers University [21]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-22 04:05:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14300391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/G_the_G/pseuds/G_the_G
Summary: Steve knows he's an idiot. He's just the last one to realize how big of an idiot he really is.





	1. Chapter 1

Despite knowing that he should actually take off his sweaty workout clothes and drag his ass upstairs to shower, Steve plopped face down onto the couch instead. Not two seconds later, his dog Claude happily hopped up onto the couch as well, walking unsteadily over his master's body until he could stretch out and lay down on top of his back. Steve had been pushing himself too much lately, working out too much, researching at the university too long, spending too much time outside of his normal routine to try and distract himself. He tried not to mentally acknowledge the reason behind it, but if his dog’s heightened need for contact was any sign, it was all starting wearing on more than just him. 

As Claude’s breathing deepened with relaxation and a rising feeling of guilt settled over him, Steve accepted with a weary chuckle that he’d be stuck there for a while. Carefully, he stretched his free arm and fingers as far as he could to get his phone from the coffee table without disturbing the pooch. It took a while, but he finally got it, and rested his hand on the floor and angled his head over the side of the cushion as he scrolled through the art accounts he followed on social media. A good mindless way to continue to distract himself, but this time without wearing himself ragged or leaving the house.

In between the videos of art processes and images of overwrought subjects, he found a couple jokes he hadn’t expected. They surprised a laugh from him, and at the shaking of his pillow, Claude let out a whine and shifted.

“Hey,” Steve said softly to his new blanket. “Darcy would’ve thought they were funny.”

The comment slipped out before he could think about it, and once he realized what he'd said, he groaned. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been thinking of her. It had been almost a month since she came to his office. He hadn’t seen her, texted her, or had any contact. But he’d thought about her every damn day, almost from the second he woke up to when he fell asleep. He thought about her when he saw any e-mails about the new research coming out of the astrophysics department. When he had finally finished grading all the undergrads finals and found that half the class was quoting points she made in lecture. When he got caught in the rain on his bike again. When he found a new WW2 image he hadn’t seen before. When he heard from Logan about his new projects. When he ran past the field where he usually played ultimate. And especially when he lay in bed, exhausted and wishing for sleep because he’d been trying to keep himself from thinking about her all day. Thinking about what she would have thought of this or that, how her laugh sounded, what she would have said to make fun of him, what she looked like when she smiled at him, and how much he hated knowing that she’d probably never smile at him again. 

“Shit.” He slid out from under Claude, ignoring the dog’s grunts of dissatisfaction. He didn’t make it far, though, merely falling onto the floor to stare at the ceiling. “Shit. Shit. SHIT!”

With a whine, Claude stepped off the couch and onto his chest to lick his face.

“Yeah, yeah boy. It’s okay. I’m just a freaking idiot.”

It wasn’t just flirting because he could. It didn’t happen because she was pretty. And it didn’t matter that she was only a grad student or even if she left in a year. It had happened because he wanted it to, he still did. While he might have hesitated because of how things ended with Peggy, it didn't matter. What mattered was that he was going to regret it all if he didn’t fix it. 

After shuffling his dog off his chest to his lap so he could sit up, Steve fished around for his phone to make a call. There was one person who could help him. That was, if she didn’t ignore him entirely to let him know he deserved to deal with his stupidity all on his own. Because he did. He definitely deserved that after the dick he'd been to all involved.

But the phone only rang twice.

“Steven.” 

Nat’s voice was emotionless, which could mean any number of things, but he was merely grateful she’d answered at all. He didn’t bother with a greeting. Nat didn’t need one. There was something else he needed to say. “I'm sorry I was an asshole. You were right.”

“Of course.”  Her tone didn’t change as she clearly had expected this.

He rolled his eyes to keep from growling in frustration. “Okay, at some we need to talk about how you need to stop manipulating me, especially by physically assaulting me. But for now, how do I fix this?”

“I don’t know. It’s up to you.”

He gripped the phone tighter, wishing she would just make this a little easier. “You’ve got to have some ideas.”

“Talking to her is probably a good place to start.”

“No shit.”

“I merely offered the truth.”

“Yeah, I know.” He sighed, scrubbing his free hand over his face before going back to petting Claude. “And, Nat?”

“Yes?”

“I am sorry. Your creepy scheming aside, you were trying to help and I was an ass.”

She hummed. “You were. But I will accept dinner as an apology.”

“I could handle dinner. Especially since I probably should apologize to Buck, too.”

“We could make it a double date. Bucky was rather partial to Lolita when we met her.”

His frustrated laugh came out more as a grunt. “Don’t push your luck.”


	2. Chapter 2

“ _She blinded me with science!_ ”

Darcy jumped at the notification tone on her phone and cast an apologetic look at the people the next table over in the library. She’d thought she’d turned the sound off, but she’d been eyeball deep in research for hours, so she couldn’t feel too sure of anything right then. When she reached for her phone, she felt the pull in her neck and scooted away from the desk as she put her phone on vibrate and opened the text from Jane. If the stiffness was anything to go by, it was definitely time for a break.

_I know you said you were busy, but I still told Thor to go on that camping trip with Fandral and the English department. Girls night? I promise we don’t have to spend any of it in the lab!_

She huffed quietly to herself at the text and stared at the screen, contemplating her response. She had been busy, but it had been worth it. Darcy had only been working with Phil for a couple of weeks and she already knew she was his favorite. He didn’t buy any of the other PhD candidates or grad student lackeys hot pockets when they said they were hungry.

But maybe it was time for a break. She and Jane hadn’t really had a lot of time to just relax together in the last month. Once Darcy had met with Phil and made her decision to sell her soul to academia, it had been full speed ahead. A fact she’d been grateful for since everything with Steve had crashed and burned.

 _Professor Rogers_ , she corrected mentally. She’d spent the last month trying to distance herself, think about him less, get over it. It was working, slowly, but it was working. She only thought about that kiss in the office and the feel of him once or twice a day now. And the sinking weight in her chest when she remembered him calling it, her, _them_ a mistake didn’t hurt nearly as badly anymore. She still wished she knew what the hell went wrong, though. And a stupid part of her still tried to fantasize about everything working out perfectly. But she always quashed that and got back to work.

So a girls night actually sounded great. They’d probably drink and eat too much, gossip about all the drama and petty squabbles going on in the hard sciences, and Jane would avoid the topic of any lumberjacks since Darcy had finally told her everything and they agreed there was nothing left to talk about. It sounded damn near perfect.

But right as she started to type out her response, her phone began to vibrate in her hands. Someone was calling. And she felt herself freeze at the name, wondering if the universe was once again laughing at her.

Steve.

At the second vibration, her hands clenched, and it had the very unfortunate effect of making her thumb swipe across the answer button.

“Shit,” she frantically whispered before freezing once again. After a few thunderous beats of her heart, she pushed away from the desk in a hurry, bringing the phone to her ear as she made her way to a less quiet area of the library where she could still see her stuff.

“Hello. Darcy?”

Steve’s voice hit her like a wave of cold water, and she grabbed onto the nearest bookshelf to ground herself. “Hold on a sec, I’m in the library.” She tuned out his worried comments about it being a bad time. He could feel uncomfortable and deal with it for a few seconds as she released her death grip on the bookshelf and continued walking to the lobby of the floor she was on. “Okay,” she said once she stepped out into the larger atrium and turned her back to keep half an eye on her pile of books, “I can talk now.”

“You sure this isn’t a bad time?”

Darcy let out a breath, buying time and shoring herself up. She wondered if she really wanted to do this right then, or ever really. But as soon as she thought that, she knew the answer. Yes. She was too freaked out to feel much other than paranoia and curiosity. But she suddenly _needed_ to know what he had to say; why’d he’d sought her out after pushing her away before. If she could get any real answer as to whether or not she was completely wrong about the whole thing, she’d take it. Closure usually led to anger. And anger was one of her best motivators.

“What do you want, Steve?” It came out harsher than she'd thought it would, but figured it was appropriate, considering the circumstances.

He hesitated before answering her and she felt her annoyance building quickly.

“I, uh. Shit. Look. I wanted to talk to you.”

“Isn’t that what you’re doing?” Even if she did want the conversation to happen, she didn’t need to be nice about it.

“I meant in person. I know you said you were staying over summer so I thought you’d probably be here and... Could I come over?”

“I’m on campus right now.”

“Oh yeah. You said you were in the library,” he spoke quickly, seemingly rushing the words to keep her on the phone. “I’m just over in the art building. Can I meet you there?”

Darcy realized she was nodding instead of answering and made herself talk out loud. “Yeah. Fine. I need a few minutes to get my stuff. I’ll meet you at the south entrance.”

“Okay. Okay, good. Thanks.”

“Sure.”

Not knowing anything else to say, she hung up, letting the conversation end as awkwardly as she felt. She clutched her phone in her hand and tried to walk at a normal pace back to her things instead of booking it straight to some place to hide. As she slowly put away her laptop and stashed the articles she’d printed in her bag, she forced herself to control her breathing from the hyperventilation pace that had started. Her brain still wasn’t coming up with any coherent thought other than STEVE and SHIT SHIT SHIT, but it wouldn’t do any good to pass out in the library. She took her time putting a couple books back and taking the rest to the checkout stand. She already knew she wasn’t going to get any more work done that day, so she might as well take what she could to work on later.

But eventually, she found herself making her way outside, clutching her books to her chest because she didn’t trust her bag to keep from ripping at the seam again with their added weight. And that had done her a fat lot of good the last time it happened.

The student population was always cut in half in summer, so it was easy to spot him once she stepped out the main doors. He stood to the side of the walkway, looking more than slightly uncomfortable with hands tucked into the front pockets of his jeans. Darcy recognized the blue henley he wore and wondered if he was purposely trying to mess with her. It was the one he’d been wearing that disastrous day. The one that looked amazing and matched his eyes. But as she slowly walked over, she got a closer look at him and wasn’t so sure he’d done it on purpose. He looked as close to a mess as she’d ever seen him. There was a couple of days stubble along his jaw, he seemed a little pale and it emphasized the dark circles under his eyes, and if she wasn’t mistaken, he seemed a bit leaner, as if he’d lost weight. And all of that combined helped settle her emotions. If he was a mess, this meeting couldn’t be some horrible thing to punish her for kissing him like her paranoia had been screaming it would.

“Hey.”

“Hey, yourself.”

His eyes stayed trained on her face, and she found it too much, choosing instead to focus somewhere around his collarbone.

“Hey, Professor Rogers!”

Darcy didn’t bother to turn and see who was talking. She could tell by the voice and tone it was yet another undergrad, foolishly in love with him. The knowledge hit her with a short burst of bitterness, which paired with her receding paranoia, had her stiffening her resolve. She wanted to get it over with. She didn’t know what she wanted him to say, but she just wanted it to be over already so she could move onto whatever came next.

After a brief wave to the unfortunate undergrad, Steve turned back to her. “Uh, do you want to go talk somewhere a little more private?”

“Not really.”

He stilled, but then nodded his head. “Yeah. Okay. I get that. Can we just talk somewhere less in the way? Not here. I need to...I just…”

She wasn’t sure if it was the pleading tone or the hand he yanked from his pocket to frantically run through his hair, but she took pity and made eye contact finally. He didn’t elaborate or finish his last sentence just held her gaze while looking rather lost, hand left on top of his head, fisting in his own hair.

“Fine. Come on,” she muttered with a roll of her eyes, stepping past him and heading over to a bench on the far side of the library where there would be less people and less chance for interruption. She sat on one end, not close enough to the edge she’d fall off if she shifted, but pretty close to it. Steve sat a fair distance away, but it was still closer to her than she really wanted at that moment, at least that was what she told herself. But he immediately turned his body towards her, letting off even more frantic energy now that she’d agreed to talk to him, and she figured she should actually pay attention to what he was saying verbally.

“I screwed up.”

Darcy took a moment to settle the books in her lap, gingerly resting her hands on top of the pile before looking at him. “You’re gonna have to give me more than that.”

He closed his eyes, breathing quickly out his nose before nodding and looking back at her. “You. Us. I screwed up.” When she only raised a brow in response, he continued. “You were right. We’d been working towards something all semester but I got scared. I messed it up and I hurt you. I’m sorry.”

She looked down at her hands and focused on the binding of the books, ran her fingers along the spine of one before answering him. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay,” she repeated with a shrug. “You apologized. I acknowledged it.”

She felt him staring at her for what felt like a solid minute. Finally, he swore softly and leaned back into the bench. “I didn’t expect you to make it easy, I know don’t deserve that, but damn.” He took a deep breath, tapping his hand on his thigh. “I should not be this happy just to look at you when you’re busting my balls.”

Darcy couldn’t help the involuntary noise she made in her throat, but her face must have expressed a good deal of her annoyance, because Steve was soon sitting up straight again, hands held up placatingly.

“I’m sorry, shit, I’m sorry. I’m screwing this up too. Just, just don’t bolt before I can explain myself. Please.”

She didn’t know if she was just glutton for punishment, but she slowly nodded once.

He waited a couple more seconds, but when he seemed convinced she wouldn’t suddenly get up and leave, he set his hands down, rubbing them on his knees as he shook his head.

“I better start at the beginning before I mess this up even more.” He took a deep breath, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees and clasp his hands, and began talking. “I dated this woman a while back. Peggy. There was a lot of mistiming and other stuff that you don’t want to hear about, but I was pretty messed up over it when it all ended and she moved on. I didn’t think so at the time, but I hurt a couple women when I was on the rebound and felt like shit about it. For both them and myself because there was a lot of drama.” He paused again, shaking his head at the memory, and sighed. “For a long time, I wasn’t serious about anyone. And then you showed up and I was into you. Really into you. I didn’t admit it at first, made up every excuse I could, but my friends noticed and...I didn’t handle it well.”

“No shit,” Darcy agreed quietly.

“Yeah.” He huffed out a small, self-deprecating laugh. “No shit. I still didn’t admit it to myself that I was attracted to you. To your wit, your sass, your smile, just, all of you.”

He paused as if hoping she’d respond, and he even turned again to lean forward and look at her more closely, more expectantly, but she just kept her eyes trained on her lap, so he shifted back, staring down at his hands as he talked.

“When I had my friends breathing down my neck, I suddenly felt like I had to make excuses to them and not just myself. I told them it was a problem because you were a grad student and I was faculty, that it wasn’t anything serious and wouldn’t have been anything outside of class, that you would probably be leaving right after grad school, so there was no point in trying when it was doomed to end. I ignored all of those reasons when it was just you and me talking, but then when we-”

He hesitated and she wasn’t sure if he was avoiding saying that they kissed because others could overhear or because he still didn’t seem to believe it happened.

After a second, he cleared his throat and went on. “That day in my office, I suddenly remembered all those excuses and even believed them at that moment, which was shit timing because I suddenly realized I wanted...wanted you, all of you. I panicked. Said it was a mistake. Took the easy way out because I knew you had been interested but I wasn’t sure just how interested you were. And then I told myself it wouldn’t be a big deal and you’d get over it fine.”

“That’s a lot of decisions you made for me.”

He let out a guilty groan and sat up to look at her again. “Believe me. I know. But I want to try and fix it.”

For the first time, she turned to fully face him and didn’t avoid his eyes. “Fix it?”

He nodded. “I want to make it work. I want to try. I don’t care if you’re leaving in year. I don’t care about any of the stupid shit I was telling myself before. I want to _try_. I’ve done nothing but try to avoid thinking about you while I fought this for the last month.”

She wasn’t sure what she wanted to feel, let alone say, about his confession, and looked back down at her books. “I’m not leaving in a year,” she said instead.

“You’re not?” He sounded both surprised and hopeful, and she couldn’t figure out how she felt about that.

“No,” she shook her head. “I’m now in the PhD program.”

“That’s great!” From the corner of her eye, she caught his hand reach towards her but then freeze and move back as he thought better of it. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” she murmured and then swallowed. In that moment, she was suddenly able to put a couple of her emotions into categories that had been too difficult to peg down before. She was angry. That was for sure. He’d been an idiot. But she wasn’t sure if that anger completely negated how she’d felt about him and that stupid bit of hope that she’d never lost. The hope that was making her heart beat just a little faster. The hope that had his last few sentences replaying in her head. “Look,” she paused, letting out a breath. “You say you want to make it work, but I just don’t know right now. That was a really dick move you pulled.”

“Yeah." He let out a long breath. "You’re right. For now, all I’m asking is one date. Just give me one date to start trying to make it up to you. Please.”

“One date?” she repeated more to herself than him. After a couple seconds, she looked back up from her hands and faced him. He leaned forward, waiting for her answer, eyes lighting up a little. He still looked a mess, but that eagerness she saw reminded her so much of why she was first attracted to him. That smile, that energy, just all of him. “I need some time to think about it.”

Steve stilled, and while he seemed to pull himself back a little, she could still see the hope in his eyes. “Time. I get it.” He nodded firmly to show his understanding, but then paused, hands splaying nervously across his thighs. “And you’ll, you’ll let me know?” His voice was quieter, laced with the doubt her response caused.

She spared him a half smile as she nodded and stood, once again cradling the books to her chest as she got ready to leave. “Yeah. I’ll let you know.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve begins to fix things.

She was running late. Darcy never liked running late, but she was usually better at not panicking. Most days, she was the queen of chill, she was cool as a cucumber, she was calm and equanimity defined. 

Today was not one of those days. 

Instead, she sat on the edge of her bed, a shirt fisted in one hand, a dress in the other, and a decided slump to her shoulders as her feet jiggled and refused to stay still. Her phone buzzed on the nightstand and she was simultaneously grateful yet even more frustrated at a distraction. But her mess of emotions didn’t stop her from dropping both items of clothing on the floor and snagging her phone. As she read the notice, she let out a relieved sigh: it was only Kate. 

_ Did I leave my good water bottle at the apartment? _

**You mean the one with all the dings, scratches, and dents that’s sitting on the counter?**

_ Dang it. Yeah. That one. I’ll just have to suffer without it.  _

**Good.** **I like it when you suffer.**

_ Sadist.  _

_ But speaking of suffering. You have your date tonight right? _

**Ugh. Yes. Mayday.**

_ What? You second guessing it? _

**No. I ran out of time to do laundry, spilled my lunch down my only good outfit today, and I’m trying to scrape something together. And failing.**

_ Breathe.  _

_ You’re a hot mess, but it’ll be okay.  _

_ Just wear that dress I got from my aunt that I never wear but you like. The one I’ll never fill out without the boob job my family seems to think I’d want/need. _

**Really?**

_ Yes. And make sure it never gets put back in my closet. That way I can say a friend borrowed it and never returned it. _

**She’ll just buy you another one.**

_ You think I don’t know? But that’s another battle.  _

_ One I’ll also win.  _

_ Now go get ready for your date. Don’t be nervous. He’s already screwed things up, so you’ve totally got the upper hand. He’s not the unicorn you were worried about. _

**You’re right. I’m awesome.**

_ Yes. And it’s good you see that. Because that virginity-required-for-unicorn-riding ship sailed a long time ago. _

**I hate you.**

_ You love me. _

**Whatever. Go shoot something.**

_ What do you think I’ve been doing all this time? _

**What have I told you about texting while archering!?!**

Kate’s only response was a selfie of her flipping off the camera. It had Darcy laughing quietly, feeling a bit more of the tension in her chest ease. “I can do this,” she said to herself before purposely going through a breathing exercise. Then she set down her phone and sprinted to go grab the dress and finish getting ready. 

Because she had a date. 

With Steve. 

It wasn’t that she’d never expected it after their conversation the other day, but she hadn’t had enough time to plan for every contingency and consider all the possible outcomes. She loved Jane, but they were never allowed to get drunk during time of personal crises again. 

After a few shots, disgusting amounts of takeout, some more alcohol, and a couple hours of discussion, she’d apparently texted him saying she would in fact go out with him. One date. She hadn’t remembered any of that until she saw his enthusiastic response the next morning and she’d begun to panic a little. Thankfully, both she and Jane were scientists  _ and  _ academics. They had documented their thought process from the very beginning to the blurry end. It was admittedly written in dry-erase marker on Jane’s windows and got decidedly sloppier the further in the argument and the evening they had gone, but it was all there. And the points still made sense in the light of day and a hangover. 

It wasn’t grad-student goggles or a silly crush. He was the most stupidly attractive person she knew, yes, but his terrible jokes and charm were what she thought of the most. His shoulders were high up in the mental inventory, but not first, so she called that a win for the whole ‘responsible approach’ to dating. And they clicked more than she had with anyone in a long time. When he wasn’t being an idiot. But since he’d recognized that, apologized, and was trying to make up for it, she wanted to give him a chance. Really wanted to. 

Which was why after a couple more minutes of frantic primping and a quick text to say she would be late, she hurried out to her car. Her terms for the date had included the caveat that they had to drive separately. She hadn’t wanted to be stuck if he drove and didn’t want to go anywhere that had a higher likelihood of awkwardness which was anywhere they’d interacted before or where anyone from the university would know them. He’d suggested an art show one town over that he’d read about in some newsletter, and all things considered, it was a great option. 

Yet despite all the reasons she _wanted_ to be on that date, and the benefits of where and how they were meeting, she still felt all the knots in her stomach tighten as she looked for parking by the gallery. They settled a bit as she walked up, seeing the soft smile Steve gave just to her, but didn’t disappear entirely.

“Sorry I’m late.”

“It’s fine. I, uh, thanks for coming.”

She paused, caught off guard, because despite wanting to think it over, she’d never really thought seriously about turning him down. But his reaction made her curious. “What would you have done if i said no?”

“I would have left it for a bit, maybe driven by your house hoping you’d notice.” He shrugged one shoulder, expression shifting to mild guilt then determination. “Then I’d have planned, strategized, and tried again.”

Without thinking, the first words that popped up popped far enough that they tumbled right out of her mouth. “Persistence, a quality of both heroes and stalkers alike.” 

He visibly tensed at her comment. “Did you want to call this off? If you’re uncomfortable-” 

“No.” Darcy held up a hand to cut him off and forced herself to take a breath, groaning inwardly. “I’m just really nervous and I don't know why, so sarcasm and humor are kicking in.” 

“Same. But it’s more a horrible fear that I’m gonna turn around and you’ll have vanished and I’ll wake up to realize it was just a dream again.”

She tucked her hair behind her ear, watching his face. He was serious and didn’t shift any of his focus from her, that furrow of worry firmly in place between his brows despite the small hopeful twist to his lips at one corner of his mouth. It surprised her that he really was worried she would run, but knowing that, she felt a couple knots loosen and she couldn’t help clarifying another detail. “You dream about me?”

“Uh,” he paused, a small smile ticking that one corner of his mouth up even more, softening the worry lines as he lifted a hand to rub the back of his neck. “Yeah. More than I think I’d like to admit.”

And suddenly the movement in her stomach changed. Instead of knotting and tightening it was more of a flutter developing. One she didn’t expect to come back quite so quickly. But she was okay with that. He’d been dreaming about her. A lot. And it didn’t hurt that apparently even his subconscious knew he’d screwed up. With a genuine smile, she gestured to the door. “Should we go in?”

He dropped his hand, clearly relieved, and nodded. Once inside, they each grabbed a glass of cheap wine and began to mingle through the crowd.

Darcy would have assumed that having jumped across the physical contact barrier so thoroughly before, they wouldn’t have had to dance around each other. She’d have been wrong. They both seemed hyper aware of their closeness each time they stood close to examine a new piece. They’d finally stopped apologizing for brushing into each other but there was still leftover tension that wasn’t yet ready to turn into fun tension when it continued to happen. But because it was just as awkward as first dates usually were, she found comfort in the whole scenario. With each apologetic smile, her death grip on her wine glass began to fade, her laughter came easier, and the knots in her stomach finally began to completely shift into flutter territory. 

Steve clearly began to feel more comfortable as well, beginning to crack more jokes and try out more terrible puns as the evening went on. It wasn’t hard to come up with options. The art itself was an odd collection of sculpture that forcibly combined mechanical pieces and clay with a number of bright colors and an uncomfortable focus on the female figure. It didn’t help that the artist himself chose to go by Thanos, as though a one-name moniker would give him more mystique. 

“It’s probably for the best that that’s all there is,” Steve said as they came to the final piece, a bejeweled, misshapen glove thing having been arranged to flip off the viewer. 

She nodded, happily passing off the terrible wine to a nearby waiter.

Once they stepped outside, she was at a loss for what to say or do. And while he hesitated in his delivery, Steve saved her from trying to come up with something. “Did you, uh, did you want to grab some dinner?”

Darcy paused for half a second to purposely sift through her thoughts. While she felt a twinge of something like sympathy over the anxiety that crept into his smile, she wasn’t going to feel bad about it. He could wait a few seconds to let her process. Especially since it seemed to be in his favor. Her brain insisted she recognize that she was steadily feeling more at ease with him, more confident in their interactions. More confident in fact than she did ever before she kissed him, because at least they she knew he was as invested as her this time, maybe even more so. 

Her butterflies argued she was lying to herself about being so cool about it, but she kept her voice calm when she finally answered him. “Sure, but I have to get an early night, so do you mind if we keep it short?”

His shoulders visibly loosened and he stood a good inch taller as his grin returned full force. “Not a problem. I know there’s a good pizza place just down the block. That sound good?”

“Sounds great.”

He gestured for her to walk ahead of him and her cheeks flushed when she thought she felt a brush of his hand on her back, but when he stepped alongside her, his hands were stuffed deeply in his pockets. She wasn’t sure if she was relieved or disappointed. But easily enough, they made casual conversation about preferred pizzas (pepperoni for him, cheese or the works for her) and the merits of each until they reached the restaurant and were seated, waiting for their orders.

“You doing anything fun tomorrow?”

Darcy figured it wasn’t just a passing question, but a follow-up to find out just why she needed to be home earlier. And judging by the fact that he kept looking at her from the side of his eyes while pretending to look at the crowd inside the restaurant, he was checking if it had anything to do with him. 

She tried to keep the fact that she was onto him from showing on her face and began fiddling with the paper wrapper from her straw. “Oh, yeah. Been looking forward to it all week.” She looked up to note that worry line back between his brows and giggled. “I fell behind on research I promised to finish for Phil, I mean Dr. Coulson, so I have to finish that up.”

His grin was sheepish, embarrassed at being so easy to read. “That’s right. You’re doing the PhD program.” After he laughed at his own expense, he leaned forward, lowering his voice as though offering a secret. “Phil a slave driver to his assistants as much as he is on the ultimate field?”

She leaned a little bit closer as though about to share a secret herself. “Dr. Banner did mention a few things about Phil’s time tossing the ole’ frisbee,” she said conspiratorially, proud of her ability to come by that tidbit all on her own. She’d even used it against Phil once already and gotten a great eye twitch out of him.

Steve blinked a couple times. “You met Bruce?”

She nodded unsure why he seemed so worried about that. “I was doing a favor for a friend. I take it you know him?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, seeming a little dazed. “We’ve been good friends for a few years now.”

Darcy shook her head with disbelief. “Is all the faculty part of some big friend group or something?”

He chuckled, focusing back on the conversation more than his surprise. “No, you just somehow landed firmly in ours.”

The waiter stepped up to the table to set down their orders and they both leaned back. She felt a small hint of a blush when she realized just how close they’d been sitting. Steve recovered first, and covered any embarrassment by taking a large bite of his first slice. Darcy couldn’t help laughing at his pain when he tilted his head and breathed quickly and heavily through his mouth to cool down the too-hot pizza he’d taken a large bite of. 

“Impatient much?”

“I can be,” he said once he’d finished avoiding serious burns to his soft palate. “But not about the important stuff.” 

She was grateful she’d just taken a bite of her own more-cooled pizza and didn’t have to respond because his eyes held hers and she knew he was no longer talking about food. Once her mouth wasn’t full, she did the brave thing.  She changed the subject. “How goes the propaganda research?”

Steve tilted his head, lips twitching minutely to acknowledge he caught her topic change, but he went with it. “It’s good. I’ve been working my way through some homoerotic stuff a colleague thought I’d be too uncomfortable to study.”

“Really? They expected an artist to avoid that? That’s like your lifeblood.”

He chuckled with a shrug. “What can I say, some people seem to see me as some golden boy next door.”

They chatted easily for the rest of the meal about the posters he’d been finding and some of her fun research tidbits. Including stories about Phil’s eccentricities that Bruce either didn’t know about or had forgotten to mention. Like how he had a shit-stirring streak a mile wide when it came to messing with some of the other departments. Not all of them, just the ones President Fury paid extra special attention to. And Steve confirmed her observations, sharing some stories about Phil messing with his department head Hill.

The comfortable flow had settled a lot of their awkwardness by the time they left the restaurant. And she finally felt calm enough, she didn’t panic when Steve shifted the topic back to them. 

As they walked back towards the gallery, he gently pulled on her elbow, and maneuvered them to the side of the walkway before he stepped back, giving her space. “Look. I know I explained a lot of stuff  _ to  _ you about how I messed up and what I want, but I never asked what you want. And I think things are going well, but don’t want to mess anything up because something goes unsaid.” 

The easy air of dinner faded a bit, but there was no great sense of discomfort this time, only serious, sincere concern. Darcy still took a moment  to gather her thoughts, her gaze shifting from his face to his shoulder to his ear and back before she took a deep breath and finally put her thoughts into words. 

“I'm not going to lie. What you did hurt. I can’t say that I felt betrayed or anything like that, since we’d never actually had a conversation. But you seemed fully invested, right there with me, so you diving in, actually kissing me back and then noping out like that hurt.” He didn’t interject, just nodded slowly in agreement, so she continued. “I started to wonder if I’d misread everything, if it was something that I’d done, and even if I had been out of line, throwing myself at you and making you uncomfortable.”

His hand lifted halfway towards her, but he pulled it back, clenching it by his side. “It wasn’t that. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know,” she said on a sigh. “It took me a couple weeks, but I figured out the important stuff. Because I started to wonder why I’d done anything at all—what I wanted. While I knew that I was interested in you as a person, as a friend, and something more, it wasn’t the end of the world if it didn’t work out. And you definitely didn’t seem to want it to work out. So while part of me still worried I’d crossed the line, I figured it was best to leave it since you were the one that called it off. I focused on me and started moving on."

His brows knitted together and he licked his lips. “I respect that. But...where does that leave us now? Any guilt I felt because of pushing you into this date disappeared as soon as you agreed to dinner earlier. But I just want to be really clear. What do you want now?”

After a deep breath, Darcy finally looked squarely at his face. His eyes were bright, but slightly pinched with anxiety, worry lines deeply furrowed once more. But despite his clear anxiety, he still stood a few steps away, silent, waiting for her to make the next decision. 

“I...I want to try too.”

His chest and shoulders suddenly jerked, as though he’d been holding his breath, and a grin rapidly spread across his face, smoothing away his earlier fear. “Really?”

“Yeah. I think, uh, I think ugh-” she cut herself off with an uncomfortable groan. “I hate these conversations. This is way too much for a first date. Let's just leave it at that.” 

Steve laughed. “I'm sorry, again. But, I’d really like you to finish that thought. You think…”

“I  _ think _ ,” she repeated, not able to hold onto too much of her annoyance because of the pure eagerness he exuded, “that we could be good. We get along and clearly have chemistry.” He nodded even more eagerly, eyes focusing on her mouth and making it very hard for her to concentrate on their conversation, so she couldn’t resist a small jab. “Well, when you’re not being an idiot.” 

His eyes flew back to hers and he gave a small shrug. “You’re right. And I’m going to make up for that.”

There was a sudden pull, a draw that seemed to yank her directly towards him. But she wasn’t ready for that quite yet. Especially with the adrenaline rushing her system and muddling everything with sheer excitement. Desperate to get moving, Darcy broke the tension and the touch barrier for the first time on purpose, tucking hand into his elbow to pull him until they were both walking again. “Yes. But it’s gonna take more than this awkward, technically-a-first-date thing we’re doing.”

He laughed, crooking his arm and bringing his own hand up to his sternum so hers was trapped in his elbow. “You’re right. Which is why I’d like to officially ask you out on a second, real date. It’ll be much better. I’d even bring my dog to ensure no serious relationship-defining conversations take place.”

She snorted, both amused and grateful for the offer. “What’s your dog’s name?”

“Claude.” 

“Really?”

He paused and she knew there was so much more to the story, especially when she glanced up and caught him biting his lip.

“Well, his full name is Claude Bonet.”

His amused but guilty tone and the pun caught her off guard and when combined with her still settling excitement, made it the most hilarious thing she’d heard in weeks. She had to stop walking to laugh, eventually leaning into him to stay upright as he stood there, grinning like a fool. Once she could breathe normally again, she shook her head at him. It was so Steve. It was perfect. And she was suddenly very glad to be there.

“I’d love to meet him.”

He beamed back at her and they walked a little further, squaring up the details for their next outing until they reached her car.

“This is me.” She pulled her hand free from his elbow to unlock and open the driver door, setting her purse on the passenger seat before turning back around. Not sure what to do, she rested her hand on top of the open door.

Steve stood there, a couple feet away, suddenly twitchy as though he kept making different moves he quickly aborted, unsure of what to do either. 

Darcy was once again reminded that the dynamics really had shifted between them, so she waited calmly, silently encouraging him to make up his mind. It didn’t take long. He finally focused on her face, holding eye contact a moment before stepping forward, pulling her into a hug. It wasn’t like any of polite ones they’d shared before. This time they lingered, her arms wrapping firmly around him as one of his hands curled around her ribs and the other trailed up her back to slide under her hair and cup her neck. They stayed like that for a few seconds, holding on until after a final squeeze, they both stepped back. 

He held onto her though, his thumb coming around to gently rub at the edge of her jaw. “I’ll call you later?”

She wasn’t sure if it was for her benefit or still some lingering unease that made his comment a question, but she figured it would be best to clear that up. “Yes, you will.” 

He let out a long breath, a pleased smile in place as he leaned forward and softly kissed her cheek. Darcy stilled, leaning in minutely before pulling back and stepping away. 

“Bye,” she said, not surprised at how breathy she sounded.

“Bye,” he said still smiling, equally gravelly to her breathy.

Her own smile was firmly in place as she turned and climbed into her car and drove away, waiting until she was at least a block away before letting out the squeal that had been building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you're wondering, [these](https://thegayreich.tumblr.com/post/131649387065/vintage-homoerotic-advertisement-army) are the posters Steve is talking about.


	4. Chapter 4

**Darcy: I'm assuming you're the Steve that ordered my favorite sandwich and smoothie to be delivered from the Tower. Right?**

_Steve: Yeah. You said it was gonna be a busy day and I remembered you saying you liked those. figured you might like it._

**Darcy: I did tell you that. Like three months ago**

**Darcy: You trying to buy my affections?**

_Steve: That wasn't the intention._

_Steve: But would that work?_

_Steve: Asking for a friend_

**Darcy: Not gonna lie, it was really sweet. Much better than some huge romantic gesture. I was never big on those**

_Steve: Noted. I should cancel the marching band and live performers then… ;)_

**Darcy: Haha**

**Darcy: I would**

**Darcy: Full disclosure: communication and possibly small bribes are definitely the way to go**

**Darcy: So feel free to have ice cream delivered at some point if you want**

_Steve: I'll see what I can do_

_Steve: For now, I have an important question for you_

_Steve: It's important for me to establish where you stand on this and I really should have done so earlier_

_Steve: It could be a deal breaker in the future, so be honest_

**Darcy: Okay…?**

_Steve: Batman or Superman?_

**Darcy: Neither**

**Darcy: Wonder woman**

_Steve: Perfect_

**Darcy: I have one we should get out of the way as well**

**Darcy: Star Wars or Star Trek?**

_Steve: Yes_

**Darcy: Phew.**

**Darcy: I'll keep you for now**

_Steve: :)_

**Darcy: Glad we could have this important piece of communication completed before something dreadful happened**

_Steve: Same_

_Steve: For the sake of open communication, I should tell you that I've been thinking about you all day_

_Steve: And I really want to kiss you again_

**Darcy: Full disclosure: me too**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't originally planned, but it just needed to be. And yes, Steve is still terrible with his emojis.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to stop on by at [awww-brain-no](http://awww-brain-no.tumblr.com) on tumblr!


End file.
